Rob Scoofas's Weblog

FROG RIDDLE, PART II

robscoofas — Sat, 03 May 2008 19:08:15 +0000

There was only one guess to my riddle, and it was wrong. The answer is not “a frog.” How could it be a frog? Frog’s don’t use fishing poles to catch fish, they use their tongues. Now I will tell you the answer. It is:

A statue my friend has of a frog with a fishing pole catching fish.

I was going to give the winner a free ScreenStarer app but not now.

FROG RIDDLE

robscoofas — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 23:18:44 +0000

Splish, splash. I am a frog fishing for fish. With a fishing pole.

What am I?

ITEM COUNT

robscoofas — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 00:06:47 +0000

Recently I was standing in line at the Piggly Wiggly. (This is a true story) I heard a whisper. Someone was behind me. “Sir,” it said (the whisper). “Sir.” I turned around to find a woman. I could barely hear her. Then she said: “May I go in front of you?” She only had one item. I told her yes.

I had seven items. That is not a lot. I got to thinking about this when she was ahead of me. Sometimes people have whole cartloads of food and it would take a long time if you had to wait. But I only had seven items and I let this whisperer go ahead of me. I pretended to look at the magazines.

My question: is this right? Can a whisperer with one item go ahead of a man with seven items? What about six items? What is the cutoff? If you only have two items should you let people go in front? What if you have five items? Can four people with one thing go ahead of you? Does the size of the item matter? Can a whisperer with a gum pack get in front of a man with a sack of dog food?

There were NO signs posted at the Piggly Wiggly to help shoppers with this. The bag boy did not look like he wanted to talk item count. He was sighing and looking at his watch. Now I am trying to figure this out on my own. Also why this woman was whispering. “For gods sake speak up,” I wanted to say. Can someone help me?

ScreenStarer

robscoofas — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 05:01:39 +0000

Man my eyes are tired. I spend about half my time staring at screens. Computer screens, TV screens, Windows Creens. My eyes are worn out. They are drying out the same way prunes dry into raisins. I bet if I banged the back of my head my raisin eyes would knock out.

This is why I am introducing my new product:

ScreenStarer

I know I am not the only one with this problem. Let’s promote eye health. There is already a screen saver, but that is for saving screens. The screens are fine, TRUST me. ScreenStarer is for saving eyes. I thought about calling it EyeSaver but I wanted to get the screens in there.

Imagine this? You are typing on your screen and your eyes are tired. Feel a ray of health shoot into your eyes. Like a beam. This is a beam that scans your eyes and massages them with light waves. Imagine a gentle hand squeezing your eye just a little bit. Also smoothing vitamins onto them. That’s ScreenStarer. Run it in the background while you type. You can stare all night!

Come on, this is the answer for eye health. Download the ScreenStarer app today! Hey, does anyone know how to do this? Write me and we will get it goin’. Save your eyes with ScreenStarer!

MY BIG TOOTH

robscoofas — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:33:09 +0000

Dear Walker Orthodontists:

I would like one big tooth, please. Will you replace my teeth with one long, solid tooth?

This is a look that I have seen work in comic book characters. Picture Richie Rich with many teeth. He would look ridiculous. I feel that I look similarly ridiculous with all these teeth. These are too many teeth!

Think of it this way: what if I have 26 noses? Or 52 ears? The most things you have in your face is two. That is eyes, ears, nostrils. One of everything else. Also two eyebrows. Okay okay there are a lot of hairs in an eyebrow but really it is just two things. Some people only have one!

I want one tooth that wraps all the way around my gums. Make that two teeth: one for the bottom and one for the top. Think how easy this will make brushing! Why hasn’t someone thought of this before? My two long teeth will streamline my morning routine.

There have been many advances in modern science. Why not this? What will my new teeth be made of? Hard plastic or ceramic? If you need some bone, you could take some out of my hip. Or a rib? These are already curved!

Dr. Walker (‘s office), I want my two new shiny teeth put in my head and all these little ones taken out. Give ‘em to some old man. I don’t want them anymore. When can this be done? Please respond soon as I have an appointment with Olan Mills and want my big teeth for the photo.

I hope to hear from you soon!

SECOND INTERNET

robscoofas — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:34:29 +0000

Let me tell you about my new idea: The eNternet. This is an internet that you enter. You enter it and find websites. Blogs, pictures, libraries, everything.

This is a second internet. The old one is getting full. All the good names are taken. If you want the yogurt.com website you can forget it. I have not checked but I can GUARANTEE you it is taken. I bet even yogurts.com and yogurt.wwnet are taken. This eNternet will give people chances for good names. This is America!

Also the eNternet has a small letter and a big letter like iPod. But with a small e instead of the i. People are sick of the small i. This will give them a new letter to look at. The eNternet will be run by:

I will run it all. Want yogurt.com.eNternet? Come to me. I will give (sell) it to you.

I have other inter/eNternet ideas. One is the intern-net. This is just for interns. Interns work hard and for not much money. They deserve a chance! Also the itinerantnet for itinerant workers. The eNternet will revolutionize workers! Hey! How about the world wide workers web? This can be wwww. If you want wwww.yogurt.com you can get it on the eNternet.

MY FIRST POST

robscoofas — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:07:47 +0000

Hi! This is where you can find my thoughts. I will put them in this blog from time to time.

Here’s one: Why doesn’t WordPress ™ (c) make paragraphs? I have to make them myself with one of these:

If this isn’t stupid I don’t know what is. I had to write two of those. One for the code and one for you to see. I’m not tryin’ to do dreamweaver here. I just want to write this stuff. Even my word document program (Word) knows how to make paragraphs.

But this is not really the thought I wanted to share. This is it: I bought some Cottonelle toilet paper today. 12 pack. On the pack there is a picture of a puppy. He is pictured on a cushiony surface playing with an aloe leaf. Can this be the best way to say “toilet paper?”

I have a different idea. What about a hand on a bottom? With toilet paper in the hand. A picture of this. Or a picture of a woman’s face. Smiling, chin pointing up. Maybe a little hunched over (you could show some of the shoulder).

I think this is a better idea for toilet paper. Check here for more thoughts! Let me know what you think!